Sorry this week has been a little quiet. I known there have been no mid-week Quickies but, quite frankly, I’m fucking exhausted. You know the kind of exhausted I mean; the one where you’ve had adequate sleep and haven’t really done huge amounts of physical activity but, when you put your feet to the ground, your knees just won’t lock in place.
I think it’s a mix of my work, which can be emotionally draining sometimes, and the fact that I’ve had no real time to myself. That has an effect on the little time that I do have as it means that I’m too emotionally exhausted to do the things that I enjoy. I can’t think clearly and so I don’t write, for instance, despite having a teeth-shattering number of projects to polish off.
Then we come back to the guilt that we talked about earlier. Because, the less I work, the more I feel like I’m wasting time. I have maybe six books in my head and no drive to write them. Plus several other projects such as writing up my DnD campaigns for submission to games publishers and collecting my poetry together to see if it’s worth the toilet roll it’s written on (Probably not. Poetry isn’t my strong point).
Although I know that I have no control over this slump, I still beat myself bloody thinking about it. It’s just one of those things. The hardest part, as always, is managing to function as a human being while this is going on. That’s especially hard when I’ve had two signing events for my books the last two weekends and as you read this I’ll be attending another.
Positives? My books have sold quite well at these little events. I wasn’t expecting much but it’s turning out OK. Let’s just try not to mention that people might not like them or I’ll get set off on another “what-if” cycle of self-loathing.
A particularly scary moment was when a lovely fellow bought Not Before Bed then went to the pub downstairs and promptly started reading the damn thing. I swear I could hear him turning the pages, his eyes scratching over the words. It was like listening to your parents shagging in the other room. The good thing? He came back and said that he was enjoying it. So my balls stopped sweating for a while, at least. Phew!
Anyway, I hope you’re having an awesome weekend, exactly the right amount of productive and relaxing that you need.
Thanks for reading.