I wanna quit the gym!

Hi everyone,

The new year is making people nuts, as always. Everyone is on an ill-fated diet or fitness regime or whole life overhaul. And, most annoyingly, people won’t shut the fuck up about it. At the risk of sounding like a complete arsehole (why not own it?) I couldn’t give a shiny shit.

This has brought up something for consideration, though. For the last….entirety of my life, I’ve had this dream of getting fit. I have friends who can run marathons and are basically just a better class of human in terms of physical fitness. I’m basically a wheezing sack. But with all of these years of attempting to get fit, I have never lost a single pound of weight or gained anything other than a tickle of extra fitness. I once went for a whole six months, two or three times a week, and coupled it with a complete diet regime etc. etc.

It did absolutely nothing.

And it continues to do absolutely nothing. Quite frankly, it’s a waste of my time and effort when it clearly doesn’t work for me. I’ve gotten fitter from working on the farm (part of my post working as a Learning Support Assistant. The best part, to be honest), mucking out animals and suchlike. Practical and hard work. But the gym? Forget it. Boring.

Because I’m of a certain age, this instantly made me think of a scene from Friends where Chandler and Ross want to quit the gym, and are faced with opposition in the form of a gym-dwelling succubus in lycra.

 

With that in mind, I was expecting some opposition to me taking back the £10 a month that I’ve been burning every month. I psyched myself up for a few days. I’d have to go in there, under the judging eye of the receptionist (a 19-year-old with “fuck you” permanently emblazoned on her glassy stare) and probably be moved on to the greasy, loud shirt-wearing sleaze who inducted me in the first place. The joys. The anxiety.

But, after a little googling, I discovered that wasn’t the case. In fact, all I had to do was fill out a short online form and then wait 30 days.

Suffice to say, my anxiety was unfounded and now…

I’m free! Free of the guilt every time the payment came out and I realised that I hadn’t been for ANOTHER month. Free of the self-expectation that made me feel like shit for not being an Olympic athlete (or any level for that matter). the few skills that I have revolve around sitting, and typing, and thinking. I don’t have to be good at everything.

Image result for freedom william wallace

 

Thanks for reading.

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4 Comments

  1. for some years now my new year’s resolutions have been things like eat more cake, lounge around more, go to the pub more… I ditched the fitness/diet thing ages ago. it’s just self flagellation. I’ve now got a fantastic track record in terms of keeping new year’s resolutions, and I’m happier all round. And I eat more cake. Oddly enough, I have not trippled in size as a consequence… Here’s to Sloth ethics, and not being needlessly miserable.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. At some point I shall have to write a whole blog about it. Heartily sick of the tyranny of progress, the idea that slogging your guts out is always a virtue, and that ‘try harder’ is the answer to all problems…

        Liked by 1 person

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