I wanna quit the gym!

Hi everyone,

The new year is making people nuts, as always. Everyone is on an ill-fated diet or fitness regime or whole life overhaul. And, most annoyingly, people won’t shut the fuck up about it. At the risk of sounding like a complete arsehole (why not own it?) I couldn’t give a shiny shit.

This has brought up something for consideration, though. For the last….entirety of my life, I’ve had this dream of getting fit. I have friends who can run marathons and are basically just a better class of human in terms of physical fitness. I’m basically a wheezing sack. But with all of these years of attempting to get fit, I have never lost a single pound of weight or gained anything other than a tickle of extra fitness. I once went for a whole six months, two or three times a week, and coupled it with a complete diet regime etc. etc.

It did absolutely nothing.

And it continues to do absolutely nothing. Quite frankly, it’s a waste of my time and effort when it clearly doesn’t work for me. I’ve gotten fitter from working on the farm (part of my post working as a Learning Support Assistant. The best part, to be honest), mucking out animals and suchlike. Practical and hard work. But the gym? Forget it. Boring.

Because I’m of a certain age, this instantly made me think of a scene from Friends where Chandler and Ross want to quit the gym, and are faced with opposition in the form of a gym-dwelling succubus in lycra.


With that in mind, I was expecting some opposition to me taking back the £10 a month that I’ve been burning every month. I psyched myself up for a few days. I’d have to go in there, under the judging eye of the receptionist (a 19-year-old with “fuck you” permanently emblazoned on her glassy stare) and probably be moved on to the greasy, loud shirt-wearing sleaze who inducted me in the first place. The joys. The anxiety.

But, after a little googling, I discovered that wasn’t the case. In fact, all I had to do was fill out a short online form and then wait 30 days.

Suffice to say, my anxiety was unfounded and now…

I’m free! Free of the guilt every time the payment came out and I realised that I hadn’t been for ANOTHER month. Free of the self-expectation that made me feel like shit for not being an Olympic athlete (or any level for that matter). the few skills that I have revolve around sitting, and typing, and thinking. I don’t have to be good at everything.

Image result for freedom william wallace


Thanks for reading.



  1. for some years now my new year’s resolutions have been things like eat more cake, lounge around more, go to the pub more… I ditched the fitness/diet thing ages ago. it’s just self flagellation. I’ve now got a fantastic track record in terms of keeping new year’s resolutions, and I’m happier all round. And I eat more cake. Oddly enough, I have not trippled in size as a consequence… Here’s to Sloth ethics, and not being needlessly miserable.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. At some point I shall have to write a whole blog about it. Heartily sick of the tyranny of progress, the idea that slogging your guts out is always a virtue, and that ‘try harder’ is the answer to all problems…

        Liked by 1 person

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