Have you ever had that blessing/curse sensation? The one where you have something good going on, but your particular mental malady twists it into a bad thing instead? I have that.
Lately, I’ve been on a bit of a creative low. I hadn’t written anything in ages, and any ideas I had just became annoying because I was having a massive down period and had neither the will nor the concentration level to actually do anything with them. And then, the inevitable upswing. Now, I’m firing on all cylinders.
The Adventures of Alan Shaw volume 2 has returned from the publishers for editing (which I spent pretty much all weekend making corrections and additions to before sending it back for proofing), I’ve had a surge on Emi and a book that has been festering is suddenly only a chapter from the end. I’ve also been writing a fair bit of poetry which, as you might remember from the Down Days ebook, I won’t share voluntarily because it’s rubbish. But still, I’ve been working!
The downside? I can’t switch it off. I have so much in my head again, that I’m finding it hard not to burn out. The author in me is screaming to ride the top of this wave, to make everything I can of this brief window of time. The other part is overwhelmed, exhausted and really flipping out at the surge of input I’m having. And that makes me think of this…
Anyway, see how it’s a blessing and a curse? I’m basically back to a manic phase, which should be fun, but comes with all kinds of downsides. I can’t switch off. I’m cranky when I’m interrupted while working (because I’m so focused and adamant that I get as much work done as possible). I’m also twitchy. I should be relaxing, watching a film with my partner, but instead I’m on my phone, googling plot facts or using the notebook app to virtually scribble down snatches of dialogue and suchlike. I’m also doing what I always do and forgetting to eat and drink. This is a real problem that I shrug off far too often. My day goes…
- get up at 8 (I can’t sleep any later than that, although I’d love to)
- start writing straight away
- skip breakfast
- skip lunch
- forget to drink as well
- eat when someone reminds me
- get to the evening, wonder where my day has gone, then eat a stack of takeaway food because I’m starving
Oops. That can’t be healthy can it? Still, it’s my routine when I’m like this. My partner becomes a pale ghost wandering around in my periphery and all there is in my eyes is whatever fantasy world my characters are currently inhabiting. Which is great for work and crap for every other part of my life.
Where’s that sweet spot? The mid-ground? The healthy work/life balance?
To be fair, I don’t have much of a social life. So it’s not as if I’m missing out on social engagements, nights out or whatever. The nearest I get to social events is book signings and conventions, and then I’m surrounded by more strangers than friends. But still, there’s less chance of me finding social events if my head’s swinging between raving and raging; swinging back and forth with my head in my hands or hanging onto a spinning roundabout for grim death.
And so, we come back around to the title of the post, which is exactly how I planned it, obviously *insert sarcastic laugh here*. That’s enough for now. I need to get back to that last chapter of Emi so that I can polish off.
Thanks for reading!